Pat (the PP Pat) and I were talking about the way people look at life in different parts of the world and I thought I would share this.
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started snowing. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktail drinks and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. We love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow... Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry - we'll definitely have a White Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. However, Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 13
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again.. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast for today. I sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's extravagant. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Today the electricity was off for 4 hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Gee I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Yippee the electricity's back on, but we had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the can. By the time I got undressed, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches fell, but the snow was packed so hard by the snowplough, I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplough, I'll drag him through the snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.
December 25 - Christmas Day
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a real idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,750 to replace 4 of my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed???
Post #2 made 14 years ago
Then PP Pat responded with this and I almost passed a cheeze sandwich thru my nose laughing. I had to clean up his language as usual.
DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit.
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shite.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard.
It feels like a giant freakin blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink
and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from farkin' Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the flipping air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the freakin air-conditioner fixed.
It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35.
Stupid repairman.
Freaking thief.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to frikin throttle him.
Frikin heat!
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my freaking clothes are soaking freaking wet
And I smell like baked cat.
Freaking place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car.
I thought my freaking arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my freaking arse.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
Frack Frack Frack
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a freaking recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and freaking sunny. It never freaking changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 freaking months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week.
!
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this farkin' place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the f##king pool.
The only things that thrive in this f##king hell-hole are the f!!king flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 Now the air conditioner's gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the feck'n car up his friggin' arse.
Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
Farkin' Karratha! What kind of sick, demented 'ken idiot would want to live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are feck'n kidding me!

DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia.
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today.
No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise!
October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit.
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.
October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shite.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard.
It feels like a giant freakin blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink
and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order
parts from farkin' Perth ......The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the flipping air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the freakin air-conditioner fixed.
It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35.
Stupid repairman.
Freaking thief.
November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to frikin throttle him.
Frikin heat!
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my freaking clothes are soaking freaking wet
And I smell like baked cat.
Freaking place is the end of the Earth.
November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car.
I thought my freaking arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my freaking arse.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
Frack Frack Frack
November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a freaking recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and freaking sunny. It never freaking changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 freaking months and the weatherman
says it might really warm up next week.

November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this farkin' place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the f##king pool.
The only things that thrive in this f##king hell-hole are the f!!king flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 Now the air conditioner's gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the feck'n car up his friggin' arse.
Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
Farkin' Karratha! What kind of sick, demented 'ken idiot would want to live here!
December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are feck'n kidding me!
AWOL
Post #3 made 14 years ago
LOL Lylo
. That was some fairly heavy editing on the second post but clever. Hopefully clever enough to slip by the mods whilst giving the reader a fairly farkin' good idea of what you wanted to say
.


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Post #4 made 14 years ago
That's the best laugh I've had for ages, thanks Lylo 

"It's beer Jim, but not as we know it."
Post #5 made 14 years ago
Jimmy Buffet has a song titled, "Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes" -- so true!
Post #6 made 14 years ago
That's funny Zig.I was just humming that as I cracked an OSH using my Landshark ale opener from Margaritaville in Cancun!If we weren't all crazy we would go insane.
AWOL
Post #7 made 14 years ago
Funny stuff Lylo. I could see myself in the role of the snow shoveler. Growing up in Missouri it just never snowed enough for me (only a few snowfalls per year). A few 10"+ snowfalls within a couple weeks might start to get old (and very tiring) though...
Post #8 made 14 years ago
Yeah,Dec.to the end of March usually is a never ending shovelling of "chances of flurries" from the driveway and walks.Some places fine you if you don't keep your front walks clear!
Last edited by Lylo on 01 Nov 2012, 05:42, edited 1 time in total.
AWOL
Post #9 made 13 years ago
Here is an invite to all Wisconsin BIAB'ers. The Polar brew.
Polar Brew on the Ice: Saturday, February 11th 2012
The event is ON! Brewers get out there between 9:30 and 10:30 to start your brews! They won't be plowing till 8:00 - 8:30 a.m. dependent on ice conditions for the annual winter Polar Brew on Sunset Lake. Show up to brew on the ice or watch home brewing demonstrations. Drink responsibly or have a designated driver.
http://www.bing.com/maps/default.aspx?q ... &FORM=BYFD
http://youtu.be/RQgOa5u1fes 2012
http://youtu.be/9ZEgAXW6U3w 2011
Polar Brew on the Ice: Saturday, February 11th 2012
The event is ON! Brewers get out there between 9:30 and 10:30 to start your brews! They won't be plowing till 8:00 - 8:30 a.m. dependent on ice conditions for the annual winter Polar Brew on Sunset Lake. Show up to brew on the ice or watch home brewing demonstrations. Drink responsibly or have a designated driver.
http://www.bing.com/maps/default.aspx?q ... &FORM=BYFD
http://youtu.be/RQgOa5u1fes 2012
http://youtu.be/9ZEgAXW6U3w 2011
Last edited by BobBrews on 18 Jan 2012, 00:26, edited 5 times in total.
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tap 2 Bourbon Barrel Porter
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tap 2 Bourbon Barrel Porter
tap 3 Czech Pilsner
tap 4 Triple IPA 11% ABV
Pipeline: Mulled Cider 10% ABV
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Post #10 made 13 years ago
That looks like a good time Bob! Wish I still lived up that way, I would love to have a beer with you!
Post #11 made 13 years ago
That event and video is the coolest!
(pun intended)

"All I know is that the beer is good and people clamor for it. OK, it's free and that has something to do with it."
Bobbrews
Bobbrews
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Post #13 made 13 years ago
I live in Bolton, there are no climate extremes in Bolton, it just rains all the freaking time !!
Sometimes when I brew I mash in using a dry kettle with 6kg of damp grain and still have trouble getting an OG above 1.030, my average boil off is in minus figures
and thats only if I can persuade my burner to stay lit. I tell you it ain't easy stirring your mash whilst sat in a canoe.
The advantage of all this is that as family we stand together and brew together, well they have to as they are the guys holding the umbrellas.
Yeasty
Sometimes when I brew I mash in using a dry kettle with 6kg of damp grain and still have trouble getting an OG above 1.030, my average boil off is in minus figures


The advantage of all this is that as family we stand together and brew together, well they have to as they are the guys holding the umbrellas.

Yeasty
Why is everyone talking about "Cheese"
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Post #14 made 13 years ago
I am STILL in south central Tennessee, America, Last week it was 70F/21C, today it was down to 32F/0c in the morning, 57F/14C,in the afternoon. Next week projection is 75F/24c day, 57F/14C night, and it is only Fall up here.
Climate changes slowly.....
Climate changes slowly.....
Honest Officer, I swear to Drunk, I am Not God.
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Post #15 made 13 years ago
Funny how it happens at about the same time every year though isn't it?
AWOL
Post #16 made 13 years ago
Actully, it isn't, 15 years ago I got frost(0c) by Oct 10th, 10 years ago it would happen by Oct 15th, 5 years ago it occued by Oct20th, lately, the 29th or 30th.
Global Warming, I dunno.
Tennessee Warming, Yep!!!
Global Warming, I dunno.
Tennessee Warming, Yep!!!
Honest Officer, I swear to Drunk, I am Not God.
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Post #17 made 13 years ago
Maybe it is just as I get older but it seems like up here,our number of frost free days has been been shrinking,
AWOL
Re: Different views on climate extremes :)
Post #18 made 13 years ago
Thats for sure before 10-15 years here in Athens/Greece the average temperature in summer was 33C and it was bareable without airconditions these days is about 36-40 and you can't cope without a/c.And that has impact on the winter periods too which they tend to last shorter than 15 years before.
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Post #19 made 12 years ago
Bump
Lylo wrote:Pat (the PP Pat) and I were talking about the way people look at life in different parts of the world and I thought I would share this.
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started snowing. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktail drinks and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. We love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow... Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry - we'll definitely have a White Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. However, Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 13
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again.. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast for today. I sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's extravagant. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Today the electricity was off for 4 hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Gee I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Yippee the electricity's back on, but we had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the can. By the time I got undressed, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches fell, but the snow was packed so hard by the snowplough, I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplough, I'll drag him through the snow by his hair and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.
December 25 - Christmas Day
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a real idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,750 to replace 4 of my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed???
Last edited by Lylo on 07 Dec 2013, 09:45, edited 4 times in total.
AWOL
Post #20 made 12 years ago
Typical Winter. I know the pain. It's only -5F here now and Winter doesn't start until December 21st!
-- Bob --
-- Bob --
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tap 2 Bourbon Barrel Porter
tap 3 Czech Pilsner
tap 4 Triple IPA 11% ABV
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tap 2 Bourbon Barrel Porter
tap 3 Czech Pilsner
tap 4 Triple IPA 11% ABV
Pipeline: Mulled Cider 10% ABV
http://cheesestradamus.com/ Brewers challenge!
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Post #21 made 12 years ago
-34c this morning warming to -20 this aft.
I have never seen this much snow this early in my time. Of course if I was your age.
Inside brewing a coffee stout on the Braumeister today .


Inside brewing a coffee stout on the Braumeister today .

AWOL
Post #22 made 12 years ago
Lylo you poor man! My sympathies too you. We have had decent Winters here the last twenty years. This year we are going back to the old cold days. We are growing accustomed to the milder Winters. But this early cold snap is a shock to the system. Keep close to the Braumeister today!
tap 1 Raspberry wine
tap 2 Bourbon Barrel Porter
tap 3 Czech Pilsner
tap 4 Triple IPA 11% ABV
Pipeline: Mulled Cider 10% ABV
http://cheesestradamus.com/ Brewers challenge!
tap 2 Bourbon Barrel Porter
tap 3 Czech Pilsner
tap 4 Triple IPA 11% ABV
Pipeline: Mulled Cider 10% ABV
http://cheesestradamus.com/ Brewers challenge!
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