Yes, folks, believe it or not, after an age of talking about it, writing drivel, and all round procrastination, Skink has finally brewed something! And it was, well, interesting.
Well, actually, it was an unmitigated disaster from start to finish; it started at the bottom, and then defied the laws of gravity by going downhill. And it went downhill faster than a German bobsleigh team on Ecstasy.
The problems began the previous night; we’d bought our grain whole, and didn’t have a grain mill, so I decided to do the job by hand, using a bottle as a rolling pin. After about half an hour I began to realise that my fourteen year old’s as yet unborn children would be old enough to drink by the time I would actually finish. So, I had a brainwave – never a pretty sight. I dug out a juice extractor that I’d bought many years ago for making cider, and decided to run the grain through this. Oh, it did the job – but it absolutely obliterated the grain, and even caused puffs of white powder to come flying out of the sides. By the time I’d gone through nearly six and a half Kilos of the stuff, I looked like I’d been to Keith Richards’ birthday party!
Anyway, the following morning I went to the house of my brewing buddy, Number 7, who had told me he had a gas bottle that would fit my stovetop – the bottle turned out to about twelve inches high, and we had to change regulators before we could even start. I had also meant to make a simple measuring stick the previous night, but the grain milling had taken so long that I hadn’t got round to it. So, we began the laborious task of measuring the 38 litres of water into the kettle that the recipe required (an ESB, the details of which can be found in my inestimably daft Chronicles). After 30 litres, we began to see the black storm clouds of another problem emerging; I had obviously made an error when measuring the size of my kettle, because it was becoming painfully clear that this wouldn’t fit. There then followed another hour of pissing about, while I tried to change the spreadsheet to allow for a later addition of water, which drove the whole bloody thing haywire ( my previous comments about Bill Gates coming back to haunt me, I suppose). It was at this point that I overheard Number 7 telling his wife on the phone that it was a case of the ‘Myopic leading the sodding blind.’
After all that, we decided to push on anyway and see how much we could fit (has someone sedated PP yet?), and heated the water to the necessary 71 degrees. This, due to the piffling size of the gas bottle, took nearly as long as the Hundred Years War. Miraculously, when we loaded in the grain, it actually did fit, with literally half a centimetre to spare. However, while we were stirring in the grain, another problem was rearing its alcoholic little head – the table we were working on was beginning to sway horribly from the combined weight of a barrel, 38 litres of water, and over 6 Kilos of grain. Number 7 began to get very concerned at the thought of a full barrel of near-boiling wort suddenly collapsing to the ground around our feet, but my only reaction was to collapse into totally inappropriate gales of laughter – Monty Python-esque sketches have always had that effect on me. Number 7’s response was, understandably, ‘It’s not funny, you fucking lunatic!’
Luckily, the table held up. We took the temperature (68 degrees – something going right actually disturbed me more than the table incident), wrapped it up, and went in search of a darkened room.
Pulling the bag was about the only thing that went without a hitch. I stood on a chair, lifted the bag (bloody heavy), Number 7 slipped a large colander onto the top of the barrel, and then I put it back down to drain for a few minutes. Then Number 7 put the colander on top of a bucket and gave it a squeeze, while I turned back on the heat. At this point I took a gravity reading, the only one I took all day, and was surprised to find it was 1042 – fairly close to the 1044 which the spreadsheet had said.
Reaching boiling point took an eternity. I kept the barrel covered until it did so, and then removed it, only to be greeted with open arms by Problem Number 346 – the poxy little gas bottle wouldn’t sustain a boil when the barrel was uncovered. So, I spent the next hour and a half fiddling with the cover, shifting it around from covered to partially covered so that I could maintain a rolling boil while making sure that the steam was escaping and bringing any DMS with it. Number 7 spent the 90 minutes on the phone to the Samaritans.
By now, I had run severely out of time – my wife needed collecting from work, my eldest had to be collected from the train station, and the other lad had to be brought cricket training. Cooling the wort in a bucket in the bath in 10 minutes didn’t seem like much of a goer, particularly as it was a roasting day. So, we ran the wort into a cube, and still had some left, so we put that into a gallon cube, fastened them up, called each other a quite colourful collection of names, and called it a day.
So, what lessons did I learn from this debacle? The main one was to take up a less stressful hobby, such as sky diving, or Russian Roulette.
No, seriously, I learnt a lot. Firstly, we need a measuring stick; I don’t fancy a sight glass (too much faffing about, and a possible source of infection), and a stick would have aided measurements throughout. Secondly, don’t trust Number 7 when he says he has a gas bottle – it would be like me telling a top model I was well-endowed. Thirdly, a full brew day is too long for someone with cricket mad sons that always need ferrying somewhere – next time, I think I would go for an overnight mash and no-chill, which would split the whole process into more easily manageable chunks. Having said all that, I enjoyed the whole process immeasurably; I learnt how to make wine incrementally (with the emphasis on ‘mentally’), and I will do the same with this mullarky. We might have made a monumental balls up at nearly every juncture, but we will grit our teeth, drink the results, and look back on it in years to come with a nervous twitch and a smile!
Post #2 made 11 years ago
Hey Skink,
That is hands down the best post ive seen in a while. Im a paddy living in Sydney but might be heading back to Kildare in a month or two for a few weeks. I worked in Carlow for a little while after getting out of Uni.
Dont worry if things didnt go to plan. Brews seldom go exactly as planned. In fact when you start looking at brewing as a game where by you constantly make compromises things will eventually click into place. Stick with it and if you havent introduced any infections or bugs you will still have made perfectly good beer. Have you got temperature control for the fermentor?
Cheers,
Dave
That is hands down the best post ive seen in a while. Im a paddy living in Sydney but might be heading back to Kildare in a month or two for a few weeks. I worked in Carlow for a little while after getting out of Uni.
Dont worry if things didnt go to plan. Brews seldom go exactly as planned. In fact when you start looking at brewing as a game where by you constantly make compromises things will eventually click into place. Stick with it and if you havent introduced any infections or bugs you will still have made perfectly good beer. Have you got temperature control for the fermentor?
Cheers,
Dave
Post #3 made 11 years ago
Yeah, he's called Number 7! But seriously, the brew is in his house, and we have been having amazingly high temperatures for this usually rain-sodden little island. We have a stick on thermometer for the fermenting bucket, and we are putting the bucket into a large bath. Number 7 has been instructed to keep an eye on it, and put ice blocks into the bath to try to keep the temperature as close to 19 degrees as he can. Another issue is that there was a zero minutes addition of hops pellets, which are now in the cube, because of us running out of time - is this going to cause bitterness problems? Not that we can do anything about it now, of course - the brew is what it is.
By the by, the father-in -law is a Lilywhite as well, but then nobody's perfect, are they?
By the by, the father-in -law is a Lilywhite as well, but then nobody's perfect, are they?
Post #4 made 11 years ago
Read this first thing this morning and it had me laughing all day. Good on ya Skink and congrats on your first oneSkink wrote:...but it absolutely obliterated the grain, and even caused puffs of white powder to come flying out of the sides. By the time I’d gone through nearly six and a half Kilos of the stuff, I looked like I’d been to Keith Richards’ birthday party!
.
Last edited by PistolPatch on 26 Jul 2014, 18:46, edited 1 time in total.
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Post #5 made 11 years ago
The zero min hops will be fine mate. A lot allow for 0 min hops in their whirlpool. This being start the whirlpool throw the hops in and whirlpool for x (15 imo)mins then hot stand for another x (15 mins).
In the cube you have a longer hot stand but with arguably minimal difference.
Keep that fermentor at 19-21. The first 4 days are crucial after that a lot of the flavor compound will have been created but ideally keep it at a steady 18deg.
In the cube you have a longer hot stand but with arguably minimal difference.
Keep that fermentor at 19-21. The first 4 days are crucial after that a lot of the flavor compound will have been created but ideally keep it at a steady 18deg.
Post #6 made 11 years ago
Thanks, Dave. Hope to rack it on Tuesday, and get it fermenting. I will update in my usual nonsensical, meandering manner.
Post #7 made 11 years ago
So, we siphoned from the cubes to the fermenter yesterday evening. We did it from a height, in order to re-oxygenate, and ended up with about 25.5 litres. According to Biabacus, we should have had 24.5, and the gravity reading was 1.052, where it should have been 1.056. All in all though, I think that's pretty damn close for a first attempt. Oh, and we also realised we hadn't added the whirlfloc tablet during the boil, when we spotted the little bottle looking very lonely and unloved behind the cube. That shouldn't make too much difference though, should it? The wort tasted ok (well, quite nice, actually), and was relatively clear. I think, for newbies, we're on a relative winner here. I think that maybe our mashing temperature was a little low at the time (more 66 than 67), so has this caused our shortfall gravity wise?
Post #8 made 11 years ago
I love reading your stories Skink, and congratulations on your first brew 
I don't think you have anything to worry about here, well except everything you wrote in post#1
You actually have 1 litre more beer with .004 less gravity points. If you had evaporated that 1 litre of WATER during the boil you probably would have 24.5 Litres with a higher gravity than 1.056 (sorry I haven't had time to do a proper calculation).
Remember, during boiling you are losing water (amongst various other "things") but you never boil off sugar!
I don't think you have anything to worry about here, well except everything you wrote in post#1
You actually have 1 litre more beer with .004 less gravity points. If you had evaporated that 1 litre of WATER during the boil you probably would have 24.5 Litres with a higher gravity than 1.056 (sorry I haven't had time to do a proper calculation).
Remember, during boiling you are losing water (amongst various other "things") but you never boil off sugar!
Last edited by mally on 30 Jul 2014, 20:32, edited 1 time in total.
G B
I spent lots of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I squandered
I've stopped drinking, but only when I'm asleep
I ONCE gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life
I spent lots of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I squandered
I've stopped drinking, but only when I'm asleep
I ONCE gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life
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Post #9 made 11 years ago
Thanks for your kind words, Mally. Must fit you into the next Chronicle - just have to think of a suitable pun to go with your user name! Seriously though, I understand the process, having made wine for so long that Noah once criticized it, but would 1 litre account for all those gravity points? I'm not questioning you, I'm just too lazy to work it out.
Post #10 made 11 years ago
Skink wrote:So, we siphoned from the cubes to the fermenter yesterday evening. We did it from a height, in order to re-oxygenate, and ended up with about 25.5 litres. According to Biabacus, we should have had 24.5, and the gravity reading was 1.052, where it should have been 1.056.
24.5 L x 56 gravity points = 1372 [BIABacus]Skink wrote:..., but would 1 litre account for all those gravity points?
25.5 L x 52 gravity points = 1326 [Skink]
whereas;
26.38 L x 52 gravity points = 1372
26.38 L - 24.5 L = 1.88 L more volume you ended up with.
You ended up with more volume after the boiled ended.
I ended up with 1.6 L less on my last brew and I will tweak my evaporation rate a little next time. I ended up with 3 gravity points higher and have the opportunity to dilute the wort before pitching, but I won't.
Good brewday for you Skink except for post #1...
MS
Last edited by Mad_Scientist on 31 Jul 2014, 01:47, edited 1 time in total.
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Post #11 made 11 years ago
Nice going 
It's unbelievable how all reading and preparing can't really ready you for the actual first brewing; I just had the same experience a week back.
We'll get there
It's unbelievable how all reading and preparing can't really ready you for the actual first brewing; I just had the same experience a week back. We'll get there
"The rules for making hop additions during the boil are about as well defined as those for a knife fight." -Stan Hieronymus
Post #12 made 11 years ago
Course we will! It's all a learning curve - the unfortunate part about it is that there are more curves than Marilyn Monroe ever had! Well, she's all bottled now (the beer, not Marilyn), 41 in pint bottles, and one 500ml PET bottle. The purpose of the PET bottle is that I can keep an eye on both the clearing process (the pint bottles are all dark brown, whereas the PET bottle is clear), and I can also keep an eye on how much the beer is pressurising, thus avoiding bottle bombs. That's a tip I picked up long ago, but I don't need to tell you bleedin' veterans that one, do I?
Post #13 made 11 years ago
Well, the brew seems to be conditioning fairly well, and I have an occasional drop from the PET bottle to see how it's progressing. It's not perfect, but it's not bloody bad either - the taste lingers in the mouth for a long time. I think that's called a long finish, but I'm not sure; I refuse flatly to take any wine or beer tasting classes, in case I turn into a snob that can't appreciate what he makes! My only issue now is that it doesn't seem to be clearing any - will it eventually clear, or is there something I can do to help the process along?
Post #14 made 11 years ago
It will clear up with time usually, depending on the recipe and the yeast you used, but I have found that even beers that are supposed to be cloudy (hefs etc.) will clear if left in the fridge long enough. 
I have owned whirfloc for my last 4 or 5 brews and like you forget to add it (every time), but I find usually after about a month in the fridge most brews will clear up. (some sooner) Luckily I don't care too much about clarity because by the 1 month mark there usually isn't much left, if any. Don't know that there is much else you can do to clear it once bottled other than chill it...
Love reading your posts by the way, looking forward to the continuation of the chronicles....
I have owned whirfloc for my last 4 or 5 brews and like you forget to add it (every time), but I find usually after about a month in the fridge most brews will clear up. (some sooner) Luckily I don't care too much about clarity because by the 1 month mark there usually isn't much left, if any. Don't know that there is much else you can do to clear it once bottled other than chill it...
Love reading your posts by the way, looking forward to the continuation of the chronicles....
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Post #15 made 11 years ago
Thanks for the advice, and the kind words - a name like that could feature in upcoming chronicles without any alteration! I really must get back to them - might wait until my mind has been bent (all right, bent more than normal) by the first couple of bottles of my first brew.
