[EDIT: Just about to post and saw hashie's post. I think the below probably just says what he said - lol!]
Thank you Bek. Apologies too that some of my posts are more like streams of consciousness - probably my form of brewing yogs

. Sometimes my work requires really long or odd hours and it is relaxing for me to think/write on something different so all is good.
I remember your thermometer problem now - what fun for you

. I didn't know about the other stuff though

. That's a great war story you've written above! I'm actually laughing a bit as I can see you are already having a bit of a frustrated laugh at what has happened to yourself. These sort of disasters are paradoxical. They are really bad (especially on the day) but they do become funny over time - the longer the better!
Very pleased though to see your humour and determination are obviously in tact. Good on you

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The worst thing about these war stories is that usually, like in your case, the brewer has done nothing wrong or reasonably foreseeable. For example, one guy brewed his first all-grain and everything went perfectly. He was so happy, excited and proud. Except, he made one mistake... He fed the family's pet goat the spent grain and spent grain is about the only thing that will kill a goat

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Suffice to say that his initial euphoria quickly subsided with his wife and family not even experiencing a temporary share in his joy. He did keep his sense of humour though as can be seen
here, a post I quickly found by searching for, "Dead Goat Ale."

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Mmmmm.
A couple of things on your problems that may or may not help.
1. It's nearly always the little things that cause massive grief. I can't see any of these you could have possibly foreseen so I think you have done nothing wrong.
2. Syphon Hoses: In my experience, a 1/2 " (11.27 mm internal diameter) syphon is a PITA. Always go a 3/8" (9.5 mm). The wider the internal diameter of the syphon, the easier it stalls. Were you using a syphon 'jiggler' or just straight hose?
3. Dodgy Tap: I doubt this will be the answer but just in case... Last year I brewed a few beers for a comp and was in a real rush so didn't transfer my usual way. Initially the beer came out of the fermentor but then the flow became slower and slower until nothing came out. Wtf? I basically went through the same process as you did but fortunately left out the dropping the fermentor step

. I use special airlocks that are only one-way. I had forgotten to open it up so basically a vacuum formed in the fermentor and that was why nothing drained

. I only tell you this story because, besides hops clogging your tap, I can't think of any other reason why the tap would fail. Sometimes, you never find a reason for these types of things.
4. Infected or oxidised: I don't think this will be a problem at all Bek. Infection problems are mainly caused from the stagnant areas in your post-boil equipment. By stagnant, I mean deadspace areas such as you'll find in kettle or fermentor taps. These areas sit for long periods without movement. It is very unlikely that you'll get an infection by treating the chilled wort a bit roughly if you pitch the yeast shortly afterwards. (I once had a new brewer do his first brew and he accidentally dropped the empty packet of dried yeast into his fermentor after pitching. He reached in and grabbed it out. He then assumed he must have infected the whole brew so threw it down the drain

. Of course, there would have been a 99% chance that his brew would have been perfect.) Keeping your gear from stagnation between brews is the main cleanliness and sanitisation thing a brewer should concentrate on. This is the major reason why brewers can start off brewing great beers and then their quality declines.
...
So what numbers etc should you concentrate on for your next brew? The only really important numbers are what you put in and what you get out. So, record how much water you use in the beginning. Double-check if possible how much grain you start with. At the end, see how much wort you get into your fermentor and get an original gravity. Single gravity readings are very dodgy due to layering etc, etc. Most people take an OG reading from the fermentor or from the kettle once it has chilled. My personal preference is to take it from the kettle at the end of the boil. Agitate the wort and dip a coffee mug into it. Cover that with glad wrap (plastic film) and chill it in freezer, cold water etc. Once cool, take film off, stir it and then pour it into your nice wide hydrometer jar - these are the jars that
never come with the hydrometer of course

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There are a few other ways to take good original gravity readings but the above is, in my opinion, easy and reliable.
Or...
Just forget about 'output' numbers on your next brew or two. Scale your recipe in this thread, start with the right amount of water and the right weight of grains and just enjoy your day. When you taste the beer a few weeks later, you can just say, "Yum," or, "I'd like a bit more roastiness," or whatever.
This might sound stupid but I still do it these days as much as I can as it does make a real difference... Lay out and prepare your equipment, do your measuring etc the day before your brew day as much as you can.
And, as you now know, never start a brew day when you get home from work, especially when a neighbour offers to come and help. But, that's another story

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It's 6:30 am here now and I haven't just woken up, I am actually just about to head for bed - another long/odd hour work day

. So, apologies Bek that I haven't written concisely. At worst, I think you'll have a wry smile at the dead goat ale

.
PP
P.S. Just realised that I have thrown in a lot of info above. For many brewers, doing this would be a big mistake. I'm pretty sure though that you are a careful/thorough reader and can take a lot on board at once. Even so, some areas need more explanation but what reader could bear more than the essay above?

. If you have some specific questions on the above, I will try and make my answers concise/less laborious. Or, better still, I'll get hashie to answer them
